Change Your Questions, Change Your Life with Marilee Adams

“Are the questions I'm asking going to help or hurt? Are they going to get me what I want? Are they going to be useful to others? If the answer is no, what different questions could I ask that would benefit me and the other person and the situation?”, asks Dr. Marilee Adams, Ph.D. Marilee’s research focuses on the impact of language, the importance of mindset, and the importance of asking the right questions in the right way. She coined the term ‘question thinking’ in reference to the nature of thought, the questions we ask ourselves, and the mindsets from which we ask the questions. Today she is the founder of the Inquiry Institute, a sought after public speaker and coach, and the author of two books, The Art of The Question and Change Your Questions, Change Your Life.

Dr. Marilee Adams explains that the questions we ask ourselves and others are heavily influenced by the mindset we are in at the time. She shares that there are two primary mindsets that we ask questions from, the judger mindset and the learner mindset. When you can notice which mindset you are in, you can consider whether that mindset is actually serving you and your choices. The learner mindset is best for connection and collaboration, whereas the judger mindset tends to be more critical. Today’s leaders need now more than ever to really consider how they ask questions and what questions they ask. The old style of top-down leadership is no longer as effective and will not lead to as much innovatio. It is pivotal to not only be in the right mindset and ask the right questions, but to listen and be cautious of our inner dialogues.

Changing the questions we use and the mindset we ask them from can change everything about our interactions with each other and the world around us. It can lead to innovation that would never have been possible before. We all think in questions, so to really understand each other, we need to consider how we frame those questions and whether they are going to be useful to others or help us really get what we want out of the interaction. When you can recognize yourself in a judger mindset and switch into a learner mindset so you can really value the insight of others, incredibly positive change can occur.

• “The questions we ask ourselves and others are also dramatically influenced by the mindset we're in at the moment when we ask them. And of course, that mindset impacts the people that we're communicating with and that we're asking questions to.” (9:15-9:31 | Marilee)
• “Are the questions I'm asking going to help or hurt? Are they going to get me what I want? Are they going to be useful to others? If the answer is no, what different questions could I ask that would benefit me and the other person and the situation?” (10:10-10:28 | Marilee)
• “The old model of leadership, like top down, the leader has all the answers and everybody else salutes, that is just not going to make it. It doesn't make it any more. And the only way that you gather engagement and trust and real collaboration with people is by asking them questions, by answering their questions, by encouraging them to ask you questions, and encouraging them to ask each other questions.” (31:14-31:45 | Marilee)
• “Our questions also frame how we listen. So if I listen to someone with the question, ‘What dumb thing are they going to say, now?’ I am going to hear something different than if I listened with the question, ‘What invaluable thing will they say now?’ I'll actually hear differently.” (32:59-33:20 | Marilee)